THE GiNCHY GUiDE

22nd 06 - 2010 | no comment »

8 Things to Consider When Writing the MacGyver Movie

An Open Letter to Jason Richman.

Last month, a small announcement said that Jason Richman, screenwriter of such films as Bad Company, Swing Vote, and Bangkok Dangerous, has been drafted to pen the upcoming MacGyver movie.  Now, it’s not that I don’t have complete faith in Mr. Richman’s skills, but just in case anyone else saw that Chris Rock/Anthony Hopkins movie (because let’s face it, when you think “action,” those are absolutely the first two names that come to mind),  I just wanted to offer a few things for consideration when writing the MaGyver movie.

1.  Mac is a Spy - Yep, that’s right.  Mac does spy things.  Yes, he works for a private institution called the Phoenix Foundation, but my point here is that he travels around the world to exotic locals meeting other agents and stealing top secret stuff and blowing shit up and so on and so forth.  So, please, don’t even come to the table with a script where he helps out the neighborhood kids or something.  That would just say to me, “this guy only watched, like, season 5 or something.”

2.  Mac Eats Healthy - Long before Michael Weston was digging into a cup of yogurt, MacGyver was the first hero I ever saw on TV who cared about what sort of stuff went into his body.  He was always making wheatgrass smoothies and tormenting his boss Pete with health foods.  He may have even been a vegetarian!  Mac loves Mother Earth, let’s just remember that.  Please don’t have him chowing down on some quick fast food or wrestling  a plate of baby-back ribs into submission.

3.  Mac Helps His Friends - Let’s face it:  it does not pay to be one of MacGyver’s friends.  It seems like every week, Mac was having to jump into action to avenge the death of one of his friends.  Or going undercover as a homeless man to find out who killed his priest friend.  Whether it was a kid targeted by neo-Nazis, his former hockey coach, or a deaf teacher friend whose nightmares may contain clues to an ingenious plot to steal a missile-guidance system, Mac was always helping his pals.  Penny Parker, Pete Thornton, Jack Dalton, Nikki Carpenter, the list goes on.  So yeah, the movie should probably be about that.

4.  Mac Was in the War - Sure, he’s all peace-loving pacifist now, but back in the day, the original MacGyver was in Vietnam.  Of course, that’s probably going to have to be the Gulf or Afghanistan or something nowadays, but just be sure it’s in there, because it informs everything he does.

5.  Mac Is NOT a Badass -

OK, he was in the war, he blows shit up, but he’s not a badass.  If I go into this movie and the first 5 minutes I see some egotistical, muscle-bound numbskull kicking ass and taking names, I’m walking out.  On the extremely rare occasion when MacGyver punches somebody, it hurts Mac almost as much as it hurts the guy he punched.  And I don’t mean, in an emotional way - IT HURTS HIS HAND.  Because, unless you are Bruce Lee, it hurts to punch someone in the face.  Do I even need to go into the fact that Mac shouldn’t be killing anyone, either?  I didn’t think so.  Mac isn’t that impressed with his own work either, so let’s not spend any time on him breaking his arm to pat himself on the back after a minor success.  And while we’re on the subject of the first five minutes of the film…

6.  Mac Should Sell the Entire Movie in the First Five Minutes - In the first seasons of the classic TV show, there was a little something that is held in incredibly high esteem by MacGyver fans:  The Opening Gambit.  This was a cold open where each week, the viewer would find Mac embroiled in some bit of espionage where he would think his way out with some brilliant escape.  If this movie does not have an Opening Gambit, I will not only burn the print of the film, I’ll probably burn down the entire theatre as well.  And while we’re on the subject of Mac being brilliant…

7.  Mac Is Cleverer Than the Audience - MacGyver is smarter than you and me.  That’s the whole point.  I’ll say that again:  THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT.  Mac is smarter than everybody.  Whether it’s some sweet, sweet science or just looking at the world in a way that the rest of us don’t see it, the entire crux of the character is being clever.  That’s what we love about him.  I guess what I’m saying is, just don’t let me see it coming.  Surprise me.  I always thought if the guy on screen was this smart, the writers must be the quickest and coolest guys on the planet.  So, please be smarter than me.

8.  Mac Is AWESOME - Seriously, don’t let me down on this.  This show is HUGE the world over.  It’s classic.  It’s so cool, the name of the show is goddamn shorthand for being awesome.  Keep that in mind.

Here’s a couple of classic clips for inspiration.  Now get started on that script, Mr. Richman, and knock it out of the park!

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23rd 03 - 2009 | 1 comment »

8 Awesome ’80s Action Intros

Whatever happened to TV shows having awesome intros?  A kick-ass theme song set to a montage of the most explosive, most plot-revealing moments from the show?  Nowadays, my favorite shows don’t even have the theme song, let alone the montage.  If you think about Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles, it just has that drum bit.  24 has the clock thing.  Burn Notice just says “Burn Notice,” sans theme.  And I can’t even watch the intro to Battlestar Galactica because it’s going to give me that inexplicable little bit where they show me stuff from the episode I’m about to watch.  No, the most you can hope for these days is a “Previously On…”  And TV today is arguably better than it ever has been before.  I’d love to see the return of the theme song/montage marriage on modern television.

So, that said, what follows is a celebration of the best ’80s intros out there.

1.  Matt Houston

You know what I think when I see this intro?  I think, “this show is going to be AWESOME.”  You got Lee Horsley’s mustache, a black guy with an awesome name, explosions, boats, helicopters, a stunt-driven Mercedes, and friggin’ Buddy Ebsen with a Mac-10.  It’s 1 minute 15 seconds that feels like 10.  In a good way.

2. Simon & Simon

What’s better than hanging out with your startlingly dissimilar brother all day?  Doing it because you’re one half of San Diego’s most ass-kicking PI team.  And while you don’t see his name on these opening credits, that slide guitar and classic rock vibe you’re hearing is primo Mike Post, the ’80s absolute best theme song writer.

3. Riptide

Boy, do these guys know how to have fun or what?  Living the life with a bevy of beautiful, blow-dried babes, a Beach Boys-inspired Mike Post theme, a vintage Corvette, a boat, a wacky old helicopter, a nerd friend to do their bidding, and a robot.  Yes, a ROBOT.  NBC saw the CBS Simon & Simon brother-PI premise and raised it a robot.  Rake in those chips, NBC execs!

4.  Magnum, PI

What takes the Simons and Riptide boys to do with two guys (and a robot!), it takes only Thomas Magnum to accomplish on the best detective show ever.  Magnum show us the greatest bachelor life there has ever been or every will be.  Add to that a hard-boiled atmosphere and hands down the finest Mike Post theme ever, and ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner.  Magnum had a short friend, a black friend, a hot car, a mustache and an English butler before anyone else.  The first and still the best.

5.  MacGyver

Take Magnum’s mustache and replace it with a mullet.  Replace the swagger with science, the Hawaiin shirts with an aviator jacket, and the butler with a plump boss and you’ve got Macgyver.  Everybody’s favorite scientific genius, moral compass, and all-around straight-laced, stand-up American  hero.  This one uses the unlikely choice of synth-strings to highlight the globe-trotting adventures of an (almost) ordinary man in extraordinary circumstances.

6.  Scarecrow & Mrs. King

Not only is former Charlie’s Angel Kate Jackson in over her head with single motherhood, now she’s got to help out a spy with the classic American good looks of Bruce Boxleitner!  And she’ll have to contend with a nagging mother, a no-nonsense boss and a disapproving co-worker too.  Well, at least there’s this Bernard Herman-lite theme and the backdrop of our nation’s capitol to keep the mood light-hearted.  And there’s even a train - it’s just like North By Northwest!

7.  Hardcastle & McCormick

Could there ever be any two TV stars more mismatched than Scarecrow & Mrs. King?  How about the retired judge and thief/race car driver from Hardcastle & McCormick!  This show takes the hot car theme to the ultimate level, especially since there wasn’t much of a plot other than mismatched leads and a hot car.  And yep, that’s another Mike Post classic you’re hearing too.  Tell me that one doesn’t stick with you!  Plus, another name you’ve probably notice quite a few times on this list:  Stephen J. Cannell.  As far as I’m concerned, Cannell’s name is the mark of quality.

8.  Nasty Boys

This may be the best show ever based on a Janet Jackson song.  But I’m not sure.  All the archetypes (or do I mean stereotypes?) are featured here:  redneck Don Johnson type, Asian martial arts guy, black guy, nerd computer wizard with Dwayne Wayne glasses, and the smoldering good looks of one over-blow-dried Benjamin Bratt.  I cheated, though - this one’s from the early ’90s.

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