McGuffin by Hitchcock from isaac niemand on Vimeo.
5 Random Yet Classic Hitchcock MacGuffins (Off The Top of My Head)
1. “Government Secrets” Microfilm/George Caplan in North By Northwest
2. Wine Bottle Uranium in Notorious
3. What’s Buried in the Garden in Rear Window
4. Identity of the Thief in To Catch a Thief
5. Message Encoded into Music in The Lady Vanishes
Here’s a nice article on some other famous non-Hitch movie MacGuffins.
And here’s a cool pic of the Man himself.
Do not, under any circumstances, watch this film:
It’s so bad it will actually make you angry, which, last time I checked, is not what this kind of movie is supposed to do. There is literally ONE funny line in the entire piece of work. And the two Taylors (Lautner & Swift) are so appalling inept at acting that it is laughable. So, I guess that means there are three funny things in the movie.
Instead, watch this brilliantly collaborative take on love that shows how great writing, good direction, and a cast made up not only of celebrities, but of fine actors, can achieve what every romantic comedy aims for: a beautiful, multifaceted depiction of love.
An Open Letter to Jason Richman.
Last month, a small announcement said that Jason Richman, screenwriter of such films as Bad Company, Swing Vote, and Bangkok Dangerous, has been drafted to pen the upcoming MacGyver movie. Now, it’s not that I don’t have complete faith in Mr. Richman’s skills, but just in case anyone else saw that Chris Rock/Anthony Hopkins movie (because let’s face it, when you think “action,” those are absolutely the first two names that come to mind), I just wanted to offer a few things for consideration when writing the MaGyver movie.
1. Mac is a Spy - Yep, that’s right. 
Mac does spy things. Yes, he works for a private institution called the Phoenix Foundation, but my point here is that he travels around the world to exotic locals meeting other agents and stealing top secret stuff and blowing shit up and so on and so forth. So, please, don’t even come to the table with a script where he helps out the neighborhood kids or something. That would just say to me, “this guy only watched, like, season 5 or something.”
2. Mac Eats Healthy - Long before Michael Weston was digging into a cup of yogurt, MacGyver was the first hero I ever saw on TV who cared about what sort of stuff went into his body. He was always making wheatgrass smoothies and tormenting his boss Pete with health foods. He may have even been a vegetarian! Mac loves Mother Earth, let’s just remember that. Please don’t have him chowing down on some quick fast food or wrestling a plate of baby-back ribs into submission.
3. Mac Helps His Friends - 
Let’s face it: it does not pay to be one of MacGyver’s friends. It seems like every week, Mac was having to jump into action to avenge the death of one of his friends. Or going undercover as a homeless man to find out who killed his priest friend. Whether it was a kid targeted by neo-Nazis, his former hockey coach, or a deaf teacher friend whose nightmares may contain clues to an ingenious plot to steal a missile-guidance system, Mac was always helping his pals. Penny Parker, Pete Thornton, Jack Dalton, Nikki Carpenter, the list goes on. So yeah, the movie should probably be about that.
4. Mac Was in the War - Sure, he’s all peace-loving pacifist now, but back in the day, the original MacGyver was in Vietnam. Of course, that’s probably going to have to be the Gulf or Afghanistan or something nowadays, but just be sure it’s in there, because it informs everything he does.
5. Mac Is NOT a Badass -
OK, he was in the war, he blows shit up, but he’s not a badass. If I go into this movie and the first 5 minutes I see some egotistical, muscle-bound numbskull kicking ass and taking names, I’m walking out. On the extremely rare occasion when MacGyver punches somebody, it hurts Mac almost as much as it hurts the guy he punched. And I don’t mean, in an emotional way - IT HURTS HIS HAND. Because, unless you are Bruce Lee, it hurts to punch someone in the face. Do I even need to go into the fact that Mac shouldn’t be killing anyone, either? I didn’t think so. Mac isn’t that impressed with his own work either, so let’s not spend any time on him breaking his arm to pat himself on the back after a minor success. And while we’re on the subject of the first five minutes of the film…
6. Mac Should Sell the Entire Movie in the First Five Minutes - In the first seasons of the classic TV show, there was a little something that is held in incredibly high esteem by MacGyver fans: The Opening Gambit. This was a cold open where each week, the viewer would find Mac embroiled in some bit of espionage where he would think his way out with some brilliant escape. If this movie does not have an Opening Gambit, I will not only burn the print of the film, I’ll probably burn down the entire theatre as well. And while we’re on the subject of Mac being brilliant…
7. Mac Is Cleverer Than the Audience - MacGyver is smarter than you and me. That’s the whole point. I’ll say that again: THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT. Mac is smarter than everybody. Whether it’s some sweet, sweet science or just looking at the world in a way that the rest of us don’t see it, the entire crux of the character is being clever. That’s what we love about him. I guess what I’m saying is, just don’t let me see it coming. Surprise me. I always thought if the guy on screen was this smart, the writers must be the quickest and coolest guys on the planet. So, please be smarter than me.
8. Mac Is AWESOME - Seriously, don’t let me down on this. This show is HUGE the world over. It’s classic. It’s so cool, the name of the show is goddamn shorthand for being awesome. Keep that in mind.
Here’s a couple of classic clips for inspiration. Now get started on that script, Mr. Richman, and knock it out of the park!
If you, like us, were thinking that this summer was kind of sucking with regard to killer movies being released, well, maybe we were all wrong. I mean, sure we don’t seem to have a ginormous Dark Knight or a Star Trek or whatever this year, but there might be a few cool flicks to sneak in under the radar. I mean, Scott Pilgrim looks promising and I still have high hopes for The Expendables to fulfill all my ridiculous ’80s action needs.
Still, that said, I hadn’t been truly excited about any new movies this summer. Until I saw this trailer. Honestly, I thought the first one was, well, kind of brilliant…
And even if we can’t gorge ourselves on popcorn at movie after movie as we have done in recent summers, at least we’ve already had two great albums released in as many weeks. Has everyone bought Paul Weller’s mindbending Wake Up the Nation and Teenage Fanclub’s pristine Shadows? Well, you should have.
Don’t watch this movie:
Watch this movie instead:
It’s basically the same thing only WAY funnier and the leads have much more chemistry.
Don’t watch this movie:
Watch this one instead. Twice:
Of course we love Kristin Bell, and we’re even quite fond of Amy Adams, but these two recent rom-coms are amazingly disappointing. And hey, at least Roman Holiday actually TAKES PLACE in Rome.
You’re welcome, loyal readers. The GUiDE is just here to help. Please take advantage of the countless hours we have spent enduring poorly made romances and take advantage of our suggestions for time better spent.
Is Tracey Jordan actually making the movies that correspond to the posters on his wall on 30 Rock? Because this movie looks exactly like one of the FAKE movies you might see hanging in his office on the show:
Well, if that’s the case, I can’t wait to see Who Dat Ninja? and Black Cop/White Cop.
So, the other night on that bastion of quality and good taste The People’s Choice Awards, I saw a trailer for the new Robin Hood movie from the team that brought us Gladiator - Russell Crowe and Ridley Scott. Here it is, take a look:
Here’s 7 reasons why this movie is probably going to suck.
1. Just Because The Main Character Has a Bow and Arrows, Don’t Make Him Robin Hood
And when I say, “has a bow,” I mean “has a bow in the last 10 seconds of the trailer.” Sure, Robin’s acumen as an archer was part of the story, and a big part, I’ll grant you that. But that ain’t all there is to it, as we’ll see shortly. My wife made a good point the other day, saying that Robin Hood should feel more like Ocean’s 11 than Gladiator. She’s not wrong. The cool thing about Robin Hood is not only that he is a great archer, but he’s also an exceptional guerilla fighter. He’s smarter than his enemy. I’m just not seeing that in this clip, are you?
2. Gladiator Sucked
Yep, I said it. The emperor has no clothes too, while I’m at it. Gladiator is weak. The Best Picture Oscar winner of 2000 was lame. Crowe is about as exciting as a block of wood, Joaquin Phoenix is completely overwrought, and all the action scenes are shot with a hand held camera which makes it impossible to tell what the heck is going on.
3. Where’s the Rest of the Cast?
The legend of Robin Hood is defined as much by the other characters in the story as it is by Robin himself. Where is Little John and Will Scarlett? Where is Friar Tuck and Sir Guy of Gisbourne? A quick check of imdb.com confirms that the characters are in there, but hey, way to sell it to me, guys. I guess this trailer is like those action scenes in Gladiator, because I can’t tell what the heck is going on. There’s no hint of anything in this movie other than Russell Crowe, a wolf and a fight on a beach. Oh, and I guess Cate Blanchett is Maid Marian. But she can’t be expected to save the whole film.
4. The BBC Just Remade Robin Hood and It Sucked
Ok, that’s a bit harsh, I admit. It had it’s moments. Unfortunately, the moments that stand out in my memory are the bad ones. A Crusades vet showing up in Sherwood Forest wearing modern issue desert camouflage cargo pants. A season-ending freeze frame shot of the whole cast jumping up in the air and pumping their fists that looks more like it belongs at the end of the 1985 pilot of MacGyver. A Sheriff of Nottingham that looks like Billy Joel. Or Peter Gabriel.
5. Russell Crowe is Not Errol Flynn
Russell Crowe is boring. Why does everyone think he’s great? I evidently haven’t swallowed the Crowe Kool-Aid. But Errol Flynn, now there’s a Robin Hood. Dashing, cavalier, rakish. Jeez, even a cartoon fox has more panache than Russell Crowe. Even Billy Zane’s single-episode turn as the Prince of Thieves on Charmed (left) is more on the mark than Russell Crowe. Robin needs to have a little charm. And say what you will about Crowe, but charm is not the first thing you think of.
6. Ridley Scott Is Not Michael Curtiz
All right, he made Blade Runner. And Alien. But 1492? GI Jane? By now, you’re probably sensing that my favorite screen adaptation of Robin’s story is the 1938 Adventures of Robin Hood, directed by Michael Curtiz and starring Errol Flynn and Olivia de Haviland. The movie is just about flawless in my book, a Technicolor marvel of high adventure, colorful characters, and classic Hollywood movie making. Curtiz not only teamed with Flynn many times for some of the classiest adventure films ever like The Charge of the Light Brigade and Captain Blood, but the guy also DIRECTED CASABLANCA. Sorry, Curtiz wins. Blade Runner and Alien aside, the best thing Ridley Scott ever directed was the video for George Michael’s “One More Try.” Wait, that was Tony Scott.
7. Now Is Not Necessarily Better Than Then
You know why the 1938 version of Robin Hood is better than the Kevin Costner version or the BBC version or the Ridley Scott version? Because in 1938, they ACTUALLY SHOT PEOPLE WITH ARROWS. That’s right, a master archer named Howard Hill actually shot people who had blocks of wood under their costumes with real arrows during the battle scenes of the film. Now, no matter what kind of killer hand held camera work or CG effects appear in the new Robin Hood, you will never be able to convince me that it will look more awesome than people actually getting shot with arrows.
Look, I hope I’m wrong. I hope it’s awesome. But nothing is leading me to believe it will be. I know it’s a re-envisioning of the legend, a new take on it, but long story short, Robin Hood should be FUN. And this movie doesn’t look fun. Not everything has to be gritty and realistic and modern and meta. Sometimes fun is good too.
Dig this excerpt from an upcoming doc about the Carter Family, The Winding Stream: The Carters, The Cashes, and the Course of Country Music. Looks nifty, and not just because is showcases the lovely lilt of Old 97’s bassist Murray Hammond.
And hey, wouldn’t it be cool to be a part of this film making it to the screen? Click this link to donate on the filmmaker’s Web site.
No, that’s not the title of the new pilot I just sold to CBS. It’s our tribute to veteran actor/stuntman/martial artist/henchman Al Leong. If you don’t know who he is, take a gander at his curriculum vitae below. This dude has been in EVERY awesome action thing ever made. Movies and TV, he’s done it all and fought just about every action hero there is. This is just a sampling of his acting roles:
Not to mention the roles below that were just stunts:
Yes, from “Chinese Thug” to “Long Hair” to “Fong’s Bouncer,” Al Leong has been kicking hero ass and taking said hero’s names for over 25 years. He’s the guy who eats the candy bar in Die Hard. He’s the guy who tortures the shit out of Riggs in Lethal Weapon. Here’s a couple of his movie fights, the first, meeting Brandon Lee kick for kick in Rapid Fire, and the second, trying to, I guess, rape JCVD in Death Warrant.
Indeed, we here at the GiNCHY GUiDE are not the only ones to realize the full worth of a guy who was not only in 2 episodes of The A-Team, but 2 episodes of TJ Hooker as well. Here’s Al receiving the Rotten Tomatoes Lifetime Achievement Award in Henching.
I had the good fortune to meet the man himself at the Bruce Lee Convention in California a few years ago. And you know, for a henchman, he was a really nice guy.
And so, Al Leong, for your many years of quality henching, we salute you. 