THE GiNCHY GUiDE

Great Moments in Band Names

As something of a songwriter myself, I’ve always sort of collected cool band names, for use at some point in the never-to-materialize future.  Of late, I’ve become obsessed with these bands who make a pun out of a celebrity’s name.  Some favorites include:

The Brian Jonestown Massacre

The Dandy Warhols

The Coal Porters

Gringo Star

Andy my personal favorite, June Carter Clash & the Tex Pistols

Well, I’ve been trying to come up with one in this vein and have been failing miserably.  So, that means it’s contest time.

For the reader who can come up with the GiNCHiEST band name, reserved for my personal use alone, in the vein of the ones above, I’ll construct a fantabulous little mix of GiNCHY GUiDE-approved music, which will probably not contain any of the bands above, and whose legality will certainly be questionable.

To help you get started, here’s a clip of the aforementioned June Carter Clash, playing their near headache-inducing (in a good way!) mash-up of the Cash classic Ring of Fire and the Clash classic Rudie Can’t Fail.

OK, put your entries in the comments section below for your chance to win.  We will select the winner and contact you to get your shipping address.  You can also send them directly to the GUiDE by grabbing our email address from the “ABOUT” section of the site.  Just be sure you put “Band Name Contest” in the subject line.  Get started!

The Most Beautiful Song Ever Written

In celebration of Valentine’s Day, made-up holiday or not, I thought I would post the most beautiful song ever written.  Of course I was happy to see this song show up in the recent film Whip It, but it was all mine before it was everyone else’s.  Yes, you’re not hearing that incorrectly, Jens Lekman’s Your Arms Around Me is about a guy who cuts off his finger because his girl walked up behind him and put her arms around him.

The first time I heard this song, I was sitting at my dead-end desk at my dead-end job, wishing I was somewhere else writing songs.  When this track came on, I just figured I better hang it up and stop writing songs altogether, because I could never make something this perfectly lovely.  The line that still gets me choked up:  “what’s broken can always be fixed; what’s fixed will always be broken.”

Not Like Lazenby

I saw Sondre Lerche last night at The Earl in East Atlanta and what a lovely show it was.  Intimate room with moody red lighting, a crowd all too happy to sing along, and a performer all too pleased to put on a great show.  Of course, he was promoting his latest effort, Heartbeat Radio, which you can purchase by clicking the link.  But I always loved this video, possibly because it seems like an homage to my previous post regarding the Northern Soul scene at Madame JoJo’s.

At any rate, someone you should be listening too more often.  I mean, how many songwriters choose underrated Bond actor George Lazenby as a subject for a song?  That alone is worth the price of admission.  And Sondre’s friend and opener JBM was quite something as well.  Haunting melodies and beautiful, shimmering guitar work.

Tracey Jordan vs. Tracey Morgan

Is Tracey Jordan actually making the movies that correspond to the  posters on his wall on 30 Rock?  Because this movie looks exactly like one of the FAKE movies you might see hanging in his office on the show:

Well, if that’s the case, I can’t wait to see Who Dat Ninja? and Black Cop/White Cop.

5 Reasons Dick Grayson Is a Better Batman Than Bruce Wayne

If you don’t stop by your local comic shop every Wednesday to pick up new books, you might not be aware that billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne is no longer Batman. Bruce is dead or lost in time or some such thing in current DC Comics continuity and his adopted son (they no longer use the term “ward”) Dick Grayson has taken on the Mantle of the Bat.
And here are five reasons he’s better at it than his predecessor.

Dick Is Not a Dick – My big problem with Bruce Wayne’s Batman over the years since Frank Miller totally re-envisioned the character in 1986’s The Dark Knight Returns, is that everyone began to write him as a complete dick.  All the time. In every comic, in every scene, everywhere. It got boring. It made a great character with tremendous potential for depth into a one-note snooze fest. It’s tough to make Batman boring but when he does the same thing every time, congratulations, mission accomplished. But that’s the thing about Dick Grayson: he’s not boring and he’s not a dick. Here’s a character with a lifespan only about two years shorter than Bruce Wayne, and he still seems fresh and vibrant because he consistently changes.

Dick Has Just the Right Amount of Change – Comic fans, for the most part, know that there is probably never really going to be a day without Superman and Batman looking like they are in their late thirties. In comics, nothing ever really changes. Characters die, then come back ALL THE TIME. But Dick Grayson is a perfect example of how this maxim does and doesn’t work. He was Robin, Batman’s faithful sidekick, for years… until he wasn’t because it just didn’t make sense to have a 20-year-old guy running around in short pants. Then he was Nightwing, the hero trying to become his own man in the Shadow of the Bat. Now he’s the “Current and Future” Batman, because it just makes sense that it would be him. Of course it’s him! And along the way, he’s led his own teams like the Teen Titans and the Outsiders, had and lost many friends and loves, and just basically grown as a character. Dick Grayson has changed in just the right way. He’s grown up, into a character that we didn’t stop identifying with, but into one that we could only identify with more so over the years. His 70-year arc as a sidekick, son, leader, hero, and lasting fictional character should be a lesson to all comic writers. Change isn’t such a bad thing if it makes sense.

Dick Is the Most Trusted Character in the DC Universe – After years of sidekicking it with Bruce, Dick has become friends with just about every other character in DC Comics. He’s admired, respected and he’s easy to deal with. Unlike Bruce. Everyone is scared of him and creeped out by him and even a little distrusting of him, especially after he put that Artificially Intelligent satellite in space that went evil and almost killed everyone. Dick is the go-to guy that everyone loves and loves to work with. He’s just like Bruce but without all the baggage! And just think of the guest star potential!

Dick Has Been Training All His Life For This – He didn’t mope around for a few years after his parent’s were killed, then disappear for a decade and come back in his twenties to take up a life of crime-fighting. Nope, he’s been doing this since he was, like, 12. When his parents were killed, he jumped right into being a hero. He’s got natural athletic talent plus the years of training by the World’s Greatest Detective, not to mention years of on-the-job know-how. How could he not surpass his mentor?

Dick As Batman Makes Up for Years of Stupidity – For years, fans of Dick Grayson have had to suffer through this sort of “no one knows what to do with him” complex. Writers consistently wrote him EXACTLY like Batman. But he’s not, is he? He’s his own man. He’s often light-hearted and joking. He’s a born adventurer with a rogue’s spirit and a heart of gold. But we had to watch as the Mantle of the Bat went to some crazy French guy in the ‘90s when Bruce broke his back.

We had to watch him be squandered in the background of a zillion books. Sure there were a few highlights, like the time he stepped in to lead a new version of the Justice League, or those first years of the dynamite, noir-ish run of his long-overdue solo series, Nightwing. But when Dan DiDio, the Editor-in-Chief of DC, says he feels like Dick is completely extraneous as a character, then we fans have a problem. DiDio wanted to kill Grayson in 2005’s Infinite Crisis, but someone or something (was it fan outcry?) saved the character. And thank goodness, too, because where would we be now? Right back where we started, that’s where, with Bruce Wayne as Batman.

Welcome to Years of Stupidity, Population: Dick Grayson

Lost & Found

Just picked up this great collection of forgotten soul and r&b from the ’50s and ’60s put together by Paul Weller and a guy called Keb Darge.  I love idea of this whole secret world that I don’t know that much about, centered around this wonderful music. Purchase on Amazon here: Real R’n'B and Soul (Lost and Found 2).

Here’s a great little video about the scene:

More info on the collection here.  (It seems to only be ONE disc on American iTunes and TWO in the UK, which is unfortunate.)

And a link to the club Madame JoJo’s.

7 Reasons Why the New Robin Hood Is Probably Going to Suck

So, the other night on that bastion of quality and good taste The People’s Choice Awards, I saw a trailer for the new Robin Hood movie from the team that brought us Gladiator - Russell Crowe and Ridley Scott.  Here it is, take a look:

Here’s 7 reasons why this movie is probably going to suck.

1. Just Because The Main Character Has a Bow and Arrows, Don’t Make Him Robin Hood

And when I say, “has a bow,” I mean “has a bow in the last 10 seconds of the trailer.”  Sure, Robin’s acumen as an archer was part of the story, and a big part, I’ll grant you that.  But that ain’t all there is to it, as we’ll see shortly.  My wife made a good point the other day, saying that Robin Hood should feel more like Ocean’s 11 than Gladiator.  She’s not wrong.  The cool thing about Robin Hood is not only that he is a great archer, but he’s also an exceptional guerilla fighter.  He’s smarter than his enemy.  I’m just not seeing that in this clip, are you?

2. Gladiator Sucked

Yep, I said it.  The emperor has no clothes too, while I’m at it.  Gladiator is weak.  The Best Picture Oscar winner of 2000 was lame.  Crowe is about as exciting as a block of wood, Joaquin Phoenix is completely overwrought, and all the action scenes are shot with a hand held camera which makes it impossible to tell what the heck is going on.

3.  Where’s the Rest of the Cast?

The legend of Robin Hood is defined as much by the other characters in the story as it is by Robin himself.  Where is Little John and Will Scarlett?  Where is Friar Tuck and Sir Guy of Gisbourne? A quick check of imdb.com confirms that the characters are in there, but hey, way to sell it to me, guys.  I guess this trailer is like those action scenes in Gladiator, because I can’t tell what the heck is going on.  There’s no hint of anything in this movie other than Russell Crowe, a wolf and a fight on a beach.  Oh, and I guess Cate Blanchett is Maid Marian.  But she can’t be expected to save the whole film.

4. The BBC Just Remade Robin Hood and It Sucked

Ok, that’s a bit harsh, I admit.  It had it’s moments.  Unfortunately, the moments that stand out in my memory are the bad ones.  A Crusades vet showing up in Sherwood Forest wearing modern issue desert camouflage cargo pants. A season-ending freeze frame shot of the whole cast jumping up in the air and pumping their fists that looks more like it belongs at the end of the 1985 pilot of MacGyver. A Sheriff of Nottingham that looks like Billy Joel.  Or Peter Gabriel.

5.  Russell Crowe is Not Errol Flynn

Russell Crowe is boring.  Why does everyone think he’s great?  I evidently haven’t swallowed the Crowe Kool-Aid.  But Errol Flynn, now there’s a Robin Hood.  Dashing, cavalier, rakish.  Jeez, even a cartoon fox has more panache than Russell Crowe.  Even Billy Zane’s single-episode turn as the Prince of Thieves on Charmed (left) is more on the mark than Russell Crowe.  Robin needs to have a little charm.  And say what you will about Crowe, but charm is not the first thing you think of.

6.  Ridley Scott Is Not Michael Curtiz

All right, he made Blade Runner.  And Alien.  But 1492?  GI Jane?  By now, you’re probably sensing that my favorite screen adaptation of Robin’s story is the 1938 Adventures of Robin Hood, directed by Michael Curtiz and starring Errol Flynn and Olivia de Haviland.  The movie is just about flawless in my book, a Technicolor marvel of high adventure, colorful characters, and classic Hollywood movie making.  Curtiz not only teamed with Flynn many times for some of the classiest adventure films ever like The Charge of the Light Brigade and Captain Blood, but the guy also DIRECTED CASABLANCA.  Sorry, Curtiz wins.  Blade Runner and Alien aside, the best thing Ridley Scott ever directed was the video for George Michael’s “One More Try.”  Wait, that was Tony Scott.

7.  Now Is Not Necessarily Better Than Then

You know why the 1938 version of Robin Hood is better than the Kevin Costner version or the BBC version or the Ridley Scott version?  Because in 1938, they ACTUALLY SHOT PEOPLE WITH ARROWS.  That’s right, a master archer named Howard Hill actually shot people who had blocks of wood under their costumes with real arrows during the battle scenes of the film.  Now, no matter what kind of killer hand held camera work or CG effects appear in the new Robin Hood, you will never be able to convince me that it will look more awesome than people actually getting shot with arrows.

Look, I hope I’m wrong.  I hope it’s awesome.  But nothing is leading me to believe it will be. I know it’s a re-envisioning of the legend, a new take on it, but long story short, Robin Hood should be FUN. And this movie doesn’t look fun.  Not everything has to be gritty and realistic and modern and meta.  Sometimes fun is good too.

The Winding Stream

Dig this excerpt from an upcoming doc about the Carter Family, The Winding Stream: The Carters, The Cashes, and the Course of Country Music. Looks nifty, and not just because is showcases the lovely lilt of Old 97’s bassist Murray Hammond.

And hey, wouldn’t it be cool to be a part of this film making it to the screen?  Click this link to donate on the filmmaker’s Web site.

Songs for Haiti

A diverse array of artists — Ludacris, Of Montreal, Andrew Bird, Hanson, Umphrey’s McGee, Switchfoot, Bruce Cockburn and over 200 others — have donated MP3s (many unreleased) for Paste Magazine to give everyone who donates to help Haiti.

Free

I’ve never been the biggest Smashing Pumpkins fan, but I do like to shine a light on anyone doing something new with the archaic blueprint of the crumbling music industry.  As someone who writes songs myself and is not famous, I’ve always just wanted people to hear my art.  I’ve never had a problem with people listening to my music for free.

So, that said, you can find the new Smashing Pumpkins song for free forever on their site.  Billy Corgan says:

“Each song will be made available absolutely for free, to anyone anywhere. There will be no strings attached. Free will mean free, which means you won’t have to sign up for anything, give an email address, or jump through a hoop. You will be able to go and take the song or songs as you wish, as many times as you wish.”

Click the link above to download, and here’s the one Pumpkins song I actually really love.